New Book Release: ‘Swayed’ by Allegory’s CEO Christina Harbridge
Published by the fabulous Nothing But The Truth publications, Swayed: The Power of Context to Increase Influence, brings some of Allegory’s most effective influence models and exercises out of the conference room and into the world.
We need influence — the ability to sway others — to begin nearly everything we create. Influence depends on mutual attention and understanding, yet is often impeded by people operating and communicating at different levels of context.
About ‘Swayed: The Power of Context to Increase Influence’
Swayed helps decode the incredibly intricate system of influence that relies on mutual attention and understanding. This book outlines a detailed model — a set of actions — which teaches us to identify and communicate so people really hear us, in a way that truly connects with them. Swayed teaches us to both understand natural human tendencies around communication and to use them to read situations and proceed in ways that will bring us closer to our desired outcomes.
Excerpt from ‘Swayed’
Below is an excerpt from the first chapter of “Swayed” written by Christina Harbridge:
We do not always behave in ways that move us closer to what we want. Below I will describe a pattern that occurs in my life. Does it sound familiar to you?
• There is an outcome I want
• There are other people involved in achieving that outcome
• Something happens and I get triggered emotionally
• I do/say something that moves me away from the outcome that I want
If this doesn’t sound familiar, you may want to pinch yourself to make sure you’re human because let’s get real:
Being irrational comes with the territory as a person. Irrationality is part of what makes us beautiful, but it also complicates things by messing with our intentions and desired outcomes. To help you find yourself in what I’m saying, here is a personal example.
Joe and Suzy are divorced. They have a daughter who is nine. The desired outcome they share is raising her into a healthy grown woman. One day, Suzy is waiting at the door for Joe, who is late even though it is his one and only time a week to spend quality bonding time with their daughter. Suzy is not happy with Joe for a lot of reasons, the most immediate being his tardiness.
When Joe finally knocks on the door and Suzy lets him in, he immediately makes a comment about how messy Suzy’s house is. Suzy stands up for herself and fires back a biting retort that, to her, makes the situation feel more fair. Their daughter stands there in the crossfire. Joe and Suzy exchange more mean words, and then Joe leaves with his daughter, annoyed and irritated.
What happens to the outcome Suzy wanted? Is Joe bonding with his daughter? Is he going to drive cautiously with her in the car if he is upset?
How Suzy responded to Joe may have felt “fair” to her — yet it didn’t get her what she wanted. Rationally, Suzy knows that the outcome she wants — her daughter to grow into a healthy woman — will be accelerated by a healthy relationship with her dad. Yet instead of creating an interaction that will help her achieve that outcome, she engaged in a dialogue that led to her daughter being driven away in a speeding car, seated next to an unfocused parent who is too angry at his ex-wife to connect with her.
Who’s at fault in the above example? Frankly, who cares? Suzy has moved far away from her desired outcome because her emotion in the moment trumped her long-term desired outcome.
If we are using our rational mind, the outcome has to be more important than the moment. In a purely logical world, Suzy and Joe’s daughter is more important than making that moment more fair. It doesn’t really matter who is right or wrong. Right or wrong shouldn’t matter if we are being rational.
Even though exhibiting rational behavior moves us closer to the outcome we want, humans fail to do it all the time. We get so focused on what should happen and reacting to what we feel in the moment that we do not ACT in a way that moves us closer to our desired outcome.
Can you think of a time you have sabotaged yourself in this way? How could you have reacted differently?
If we are more thoughtful or “at choice” in our actions, we are more likely to act toward what we want. To be more at choice in our behavior takes curiosity and practice. This book provides a simple model that shows up in the many critical moments of influence.